Ron-Ron Juice, Episode 1: Candlewood Thoughts

Ron-Ron Juice is what the guys of the Jersey Shore drink when they wait approximately four hours for the girls to get ready to go out to the clubs. The basically sit on the couch and drink into oblivion, yelling random and probably obscene nonsense while the gals cake their makeup on and bathe in perfume. This is me, waiting for Pam. Not nearly as long, not even close, but long enough to blog. And this is me, drinking a little bit. Not nearly as much, not even close, but enough to be considered "pregaming." And this is me, blogging, during that time. Ron-Ron Juice Time. CABS ARE HEEYAH.

We've lived in this pretty sweet bungalow for a few hours now. It might be nice to share some thoughts with ya'll about the our set-up here. It might be easier for ya'll if I condense all my thoughts into a PRO and CON kinda thing. Here we go, the best and worst of living at Candlewood so far.

(Sorry about all the "ya'll" usage. Pam and I have been watching Friday Night Lights and I just can't help myself, ya'll.)

CON

- Walk into the parking lot, and see that 4/5ths of the parking spots are empty. We can assume that, because of this, not that many people are living at these suites currently. If we can assume this is the case, why in the world did they stick us in the only room on the floor that isn't being constructed on right now? Look to the right immediately outside our door, and see nothing but plastic covering, two-by-fours, and various tools. I don't give a darn now, but when my Pammy is trying to sleep after a 12-hour night shift, this might become a problem.

- No oven. This may be the most unexpected CON of our shacking up here. There's plenty of ways to cook here, don't get me wrong - hot plate counter tops, toaster, microwave - but an oven is conspicuously missing. Guess we have to throw out 3/4 of the cookbook we brought, and don't expect us to make you brownies when you come to visit.

- The shower has two settings: 1) Eskimo Shivers; 2) Fourth Degree Burns. I know that's such a cliche cheap-motel kinda problem, but this is the first time I've ever come across the phenomenon. And I gotta tell you, I don't like it. It's hot out here in the desert so far, but I can't imagine it ever being hot enough to warrant me jumping in what feels like the bottom of Antarctica's deepest fishing hole. Therefore, a few minutes ago, I psyched myself into hopping into Hephaestus's Fire, and it was horrible. This is the absolute primary reason I shall not allow myself to get sunburned this summer.

PRO

- The CONs are all malarkey, and easily overcome. The construction will be done soon. Screw it. We will find new and inventive ways to use the frying pan and the grilles around the pool area; who needs an oven? And the shower, well, I'll just man up and let those fiery pellets of wet anger rain upon my back. I'll take it! Because there's plenty of pros!

- The digs are free. Not free like someone just gave it to us. Pammy's earning it. But she's working and she's making a living and this room is icing on the cake and she is allowing me to live with her and I love her.

- We may not have an oven, but we have damn near everything else a young couple could ask for in a studio apartment. We have a fully-appliance'd kitchen. We have cooking tools in said kitchen. We have closets and cabinets and drawers. We have a TV with cable, including HBO so I can watch Luck and Pammy can watch Tru Blood. We have free wireless internet. Walk down the halls and we have a pool. And a hot tub. We have free laundry services. We have a free fitness center (where I can get, um, fit, I guess). We can be happy here. It's small, and it's cozy, but it's ours, and we're happy.

- Candlewood is in close proximity to a lot of cool Las Vegas-y things. We're a mile from the Strip (that's a five-minute bus ride, if you cross your fingers and pray for no horrible traffic). We're right next door to UNLV, which is good at basketball, apparently (hey, La Salle basketball is good too, right? Right?), and which I'm sure is surrounded by some good, cheap, fun college bars. We're right near all kinds of shops from the mundane (Target), to the exotically lame (JACK IN THE BOX!), to the cool-we'll-definitely-check-out (German beer garden right across the street?), to the lame and kitschy but still Las Vegas-y so it's gonna be awesome to visit (Terrible's Casino. Great name for a casino, I'd say), to places we'll never visit ever (best strip club name: "Librarian's Club." "GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS cute librarians" reads the advertisement.).

- I'm with Pam. I've said this from the beginning, and I'll say it again. I don't give damn where the hell I am, as long as I'm with Pam. We could be in a cardboard box outside of Harrah's and I'll still be happily in love.

So yea, we're good here. Music is blaring and we're getting tipsy and we're about to have a Las Vegas-type night and life is good.